Belly Comes First
Somewhere from the glorious depths of sweet sweet slumber, a shrill ringing, gets louder and louder, pulls me up and forces me semi awake. I open crusty edged eyes, only to realize it's the phone that's ringing. Since the sun had yet to rise, and the landline was constantly screeching at me, I understood this to be the universal code for emergency. I managed to untangle and launch myself out of bed without injury, and race to the living room, only to have the call dropped as soon as I picked up the receiver. This being the era of technology and what not, I *69 because.. emergency. A detached robotic voice reported a number that I did not know, I think, perhaps it was a misdial. On cue, my cell phone, back in my bedroom, starts ringing. Obviously ... EMERGENCY. So off I Usain Bolt it back to the bedroom, hoping the friend calling hasn't used the dead man's phone to make the call (remember, emergency). I've watched enough Dateline, and Cop TV ... not that I have plans.. ok moving on.
The screen shows the same number the robot replicant told me, so cautiously I answer.. and it went a little something like this:
Me: (slightly, ok a lotly irritated now, because clearly this is not a friend calling to borrow a shovel, or some other such emergency) yes?!
Caller: This is [REDACTED], is your house number still [REDACTED] because it rang out?
Me: (incredibly irritated now because the caller is a friend of my mother's and I have no idea why this call is happening) Yes, was it you calling?
Caller: Yes, I was calling, my *spouse* and I are flying in today.
Me: *crickets* ( now my left and right brain are having an internal argument, one says, be respectful, this is your mom's friend, the other, says things like "MuddaC*nt" and that word that Apple autocorrects to duck)
Caller: Are you hearing me?
Me: *rubs temples* Yes, I don't think I can see you today, I have an appointment with the cable people, so that's an all day wait.
Caller: Oh that's ok, we'll be there until Sunday, we are staying at [REDACTED], so you can come check me.
Me: *MF CRICKETS*
Me: ok.... bye. *hangs up*
The moral of this story is: parents raise your children to respect you, so that when your out of order, asscrack of dawn, calling for no damn reason when they have a 4 day period to reach out, friends, make the decision to dial the number, your children won't cuss them and their mama's out.
I mean or raise your kids to not call people at the asscrack of dawn for no damn reason.
We all have that one friend, you know the one... the one who random weird things happen to...the one you end up looking at and exclaiming "this only happens when I'm out with you!!!" that friend.. It me!